In loving memory of our son, Evan Christopher

**** I wrote this post last year on Evan's 8th birthday. Today, our precious son is celebrating his 9th birthday in Heaven along with his little sister Sophie and her twin brother, Brayden. I am struggling with words this year...maybe because the one phone call I always looked forward to was from my dad. My dad never forgot to wish his grandchildren a Happy Birthday. We would talk about the night Evan was born and how special it was to him that he had been there the night we placed our firstborn son in God's Hands. My Dad is not with me today but he is with Evan and I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt... that they are sailing the ships of Heaven together. ***


It has been eight years since we said "Goodbye" to our little boy. He was stillborn July 9th 2000. My heart aches for him today..everyday.

Tonight I sat here writing my memories of the night he was born. I have kept those words private but have managed to compose myself enough to share this with you.

I have been crying, smiling, remembering the love that surrounded us that day. Our family and friends were incredible and honestly, with their love and lots of prayers, we survived the worst heartache a parent can imagine. We lost dreams, hopes, and have held on to "what might have been"s." I know where he is. I know he and his little brother Brayden and sister, Sophie are safe in the arms of our Lord. Watching over us every day and blowing kisses in the wind.

Chris and I love the Great Lakes...especially Lake Michigan and had dreamed of taking our children there and hoping that they would love it as much as we do. We had purchased a sailboat quilt for his nursery and could not wait for our first trip up north with our baby. On one occasion during my pregnancy, Chris had surprised me with tickets to see Jim Brickman in concert. We spent the weekend in Traverse City and toured the little shops and galleries of the harbor towns. We had met an artist in Leland and fell in love with her work. Chris had told me that day that when our baby was born, we would buy a painting from her for the nursery.

We lost Evan on July 9th and had a small graveside service for him on July 11th. We felt it only fitting to play "Ships of Heaven " for our little boy. The service was filled with every blue hydrangea in town and all of our loved ones sprinkled petals over his casket and said their goodbyes.( Those blue hydrangea now surround our home and continue to bloom and grow.) It was so beautiful. The skies were blue, the wind was calm and we knew our little Evan was sailing through the clouds at that very moment.

A few weeks later, I was sitting in his empty room and decided to call the artist we had met. I told her who I was and she remembered us and was so heartbroken to hear our news.After speaking with her and telling her our dreams for him, she created this beautiful painting and poem.


The Morning sunrise was brilliant
Lake Michigan was at its most calm-
The tiny little sailboat felt so happy and free--
as he knew he was held in the Lord's palm.

"I'll be sailing on the ships of Heaven
and if you just look up and see,
I'm at the helm of my little sailboat
and it's named the 'Evan C'."

Oh how I miss you, my sweet son. I love you. Happy Birthday.